Week 27, Day 6 (Down with cleavage)

I think I know why breastfeeding is largely a bust on my mother's side of my genetics.

Our nipples are the wrong sort.

Now I've always been quite attached to my nips, thinking they were nicely shaped and not at all weird looking (unlike some other women). As the body has progressed more deeply into pregnancy than ever before (or every likely to again!), I've watched my milky-coffee nips turn milk chocolate then dark. Bugger. Ah well.. I guess I can live with it. Let's hope they fade in time.

Then as the boobs got bigger, so did the aureole. BUGGER! But, I consoled myself, there's nothing you can do about it, and remember your motto of "If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you've got off light".

So I resigned myself, y'see. And even managed a weak laugh (with a slight tint of panic and edged with despair) when I dressed in front of the mirror each day.

Fool as I was, I thought the worst shock was over. That illusion came crashing down when I started reading up on breastfeeding and got to the point where they suggest a simple test to see if your nipples are the right shape, ie pop *out* when required.

So, remembering that I'd passed the pencil test right up to nearly my 30's, I figured this would be another easy test. Wrong. I got a definite "D"

At least mine don't invert - but what they do do is to firmly resist changing shape. Their stubbornness is admirable, and probably explains why they've stayed a desirable shape and movement right up into my 40's, but according to the books, this is a very bad thing indeed if you want to breastfeed. Scrunching up and going pouty works in the bedroom and under a tee shirt on a cold day, but is counterproductive if you're planning on getting the milk out of the boob and into the baby. Think "doorstop". Deadbolt, even. How "no" can you go!

To get the internal tensioning to relax and slip into a nursing position (ie let my tyres go flat forever!), I need to start wearing nipple shields from now until bubs is born. Sort of like a training bra, that encourages "out" rather than "up".

The way I see it, I have three choices.

1 Wear the damn shields and just accept the twin badge of motherhood (be damned if I'll wear them with pride though.. some awards should be kept out of public view)

2 Not wear the shields, and probably discover that like so many females on my maternal line, I suck (or at least the baby fails to do so) at breastfeeding.

3 Decide "bottle all the way".

I've gone with option #1, for now. What the hell.. we've come this far. But it does hurt my vanity rather a lot that I'm doomed to have pendulous teaty nipple things after all.

(sob)