Claytons election

(ie, what you have, when you're not having a real election)

So today we Kiwis head off to the polls, and pick the leaders for the next three years.

Yeah right. What I reckon will happen is that it will be too close between Nats and Labour, and Winnie will get to play kingmaker again. As a result, all the "policies" will be chucked out in the bargaining process, and we'll be the poorer for it.

I'm hoping like crazy that my cuzzy bro will kick Winnie's ass in Tauranga. Well, I don't actually know for sure that Bob the Builder is a relation of mine, but he's almost a dead ringer for my recently departed Uncle Bill (except Bob doesn't seem to dye his hair black), he's got that awful Clarkson nose that so haunts the older generations, AND he's chronic for putting his foot in his mouth. Plus he's into speedway - that's definintely a male Clarkson thing.

Yep, he's got to be related to me! (Disclaimer: I avoided the Clarkson nose by inheriting my mother's perfectly straight, symmetrical and delightfully boring nose. Here's hoping that Braeden does not skip a generation and get the awful historical honker!)

So (wandering back to the point), today I get to shuffle awkwardly into a polling cubicle and unpick some candidates. With options as poor as these, it's a case of 'cross out all the ones you really don't want, and see what's left'.

Take our MP for example, Brian Connolly. The cat killer.

I don't know what outraged me more; the fact that he gleefully admitted on TV that he's happy to snuff a moggie, or that the guy was so stupid and arrogant to think his consituents would not care!

Well it seems they probably won't, because I'm betting he'll get in again. This would be a shame because in his two terms of office, he's done precisely nothing for the Rakaia electorate except side with the Destiny Party (extreme right wing religious nuts for those blessedly uninitiated) over human rights issues. That is, if you're Christian, male, middle class and straight then you're fine, but if you miss the mark on any of these, you shouldn't have any rights at all and definitely none regarding family or relationships.

So count me out, Brian, you burnt your bridges with this little brown duck forever.

I am torn between making the supremely futile gesture of throwing my vote away for the likes of the Legalise Cannabis Party, or the Libertarianz, or hey, maybe even the Rural Party (I voted for them last time around, btw).

But Helen's promising me a free student loan if she gets back in, and that's very tempting.

Didn't you love those figures, btw. Do they really think only 70% of students will apply for a free loan? How about 99% of EVERYONE, because as Wayne pointed out, even if you put it in the bank and drew interest off it, you'd still be laughing after the IRD took out the withholding tax. Who wouldn't take the free money!???

Unlike my sardonic other half, if I did take out a free loan, I'd use it to get that degree that I wanted to get this year, except a baby changed my plans for me.

So I guess I'll probably be bought when I make my two ticks today, because in this election time I've noticed our potential leaders have pretty much zero in the way of leadership policies, preferring to go with outrageous and unsustainable bribes, shit-slinging and 'what we're not' positions of ideology.

Like I said, a Claytons election.