Week 39, Day 4 (Too sleepy to think of a post title)

Sorry guys, I'm utterly whacked today, and wish I could go back to bed and sleep for about a week. I'd settle for another six hours, maybe later. First I've got to deal with some business here at home, then get to the other side of town and meet with a client, do a smidgeon of grocery shopping, have a meeting with family, and then maybe we can crawl back home to bed. (LOL.. bank finally came up with stuff, been trying to liaise with client ever since but now the client suddenly has an impossible schedule. Their idea to meet up today, despite it being clear on Saturday that today would be a difficult time, but I'm running out of time so what do you do? Trying desperately to get hold of them today to jack up a time, and do you think I can track the buggers down? Phone messages, cell messages.. they'd better get back to me soon or I'll .. dunno.. fall alseep?)

Baby is fine, although he certainly provided some light entertainment to the family over the past two days, at his incubator's expense ;-) We needed something to smile about, and he certainly performed on cue. There was some discussion whether or not they needed to pull up a bed for me, and at one point as I paused mid-waddle in the hospital corridor to brace for yet another random contraction, father-in-law said to some passing stranger "it's okay, you don't need to boil the water yet".

The expression on the stranger's face I was lucky enough not to see!

So the birthing bag is in the car, and we are sort of mentally prepared to go any time. I say "sort of" because I've had a guts full of hospital at the mo. A weekend sitting vigil will do that.

Sufficeth to say, the surgeons were very clear that Denise could not possibly recover from all her traumas, and in fact she was going to die anyway, why draw the process out into months when it could be over in days by turning off life support.

We didn't really have a choice, but we weren't fighting it. So at 2pm yesterday, with everyone around her, they took away all the tubes and machines, and left her looking a lot more comfortable than we've seen her in ages.

She finally passed at 2.30am this morning, and we were all there with her.

Death doesn't upset me, per se. Human suffering of any kind upsets me. So I've got all these amazing memories of a very vibrant and unique person which stop me from being too sad for Denise, but along with Wayne, I feel so desperately useless and inadequate to help Cliff deal with his heartache.

It's going to take time, and luckily, he's got a grandchild to look forward to. (And he is, very much) There's a lot of people who have had a very hard year, who are very much looking forward to the new bundle of love, and Granddad Cliff is but one of them.

Kidlet, do you have any idea how important you are to a lot of heartsore folk? Probably not, but that's okay :-)

Btw, thanks Mum for updating the blog yesterday to allieviate everyone's obvious question! How totally cool to know that the blog is in such capable hands, yay Grandma!

Btw btw.. just heard from client, yay client! After this meet I can put my feet up and relax for a bit, if you don't count all the GST clients to get done this month, LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL(exits stage left, laughing hysterically)